Therefore, dating became a game, to some. Like Myers said, you had to rate in order to date and date in order to rate. The more you dated different people, the more you rated. What is flawed here is, marriage was substituted or rather relegated from the main team. Ok, picture this. I want Girl X, but I know I can’t get to her directly, so in order to appeal to her. I will date girl A, B, C through W, making sure that by the time I reach girl W I will be at a platform to date girl X. What is it all about, game playing. Rating to date. Looks gloomy and sadistic. But well, that is not the whole picture. In every time, I believe there are those who stood for light. Why, because courtship never died. The reason we still see it today, is because it survived through that time. But it was nolonger as straightforward as in the beginning.
Fast forward a few years later, all the fears of teenage pregnancy were “somehow abated”. How so? You might ask. With the advance in technology and medical field, a major breakthrough was made. THE PILL was introduced. Oh, such a notable finding, revolutionised the whole concept of dating itself, late alone courtship. What this means all the fears of pregnancy, were somewhat side lined. This was a medication that prevented pregnancy, the main concern of sleeping around.
There is too much that could be said here, so I’ll be brief. Simply put, with the onset of the widespread use of chemical and other means of birth control, the language OF PROCREATION — of having children — was SEPARATED from the language of MARRIAGE. As U. of Chicago ethicist Leon Kass argues in his chapter on courtship in Building a Healthy Culture: Strategies for an American Renaissance, under the old system of courtship, marriage and bringing a child into the world were inextricably linked. But no longer. With the ever decreasing risk of pregnancy, having sex and being married were no longer tied together. There was a cultural standard for purity PLUMMETED.
Effective birth control masked the evidence of FORNICATION. The baby boomers rejected the “because I said so” values of their parents and started sleeping around. As baby boomers introduced sex into dating relationships, those relationships started to change. Sex brought with it emotional bonds, intensity, and drama. Couples started expecting greater commitment from the person they were sleeping with. Traditional Dating, something that was once fun, safe, and effective, transformed into a series of exclusive, intense, and heartbreaking relationships. Each decade following the sexual revolution intensified the sexual element of dating. What started off as just a “hippie thing” became a mainstream thing in the 1970s and 1980s. THEREFORE SEX was actually a unifier. “Yatsika dope yamwa” kind of. The idea of dating many different people in order to find the right one almost disappeared from culture, but it stuck.
This does not mean players ceased to exist. No there actually was “serial deflorists”-a term I just coined- who specialized in deflowering and dumping. In some circles it became a “shoe-buying” relationship; I have to first try to see if it fits then I buy. But with this kind of setup, intensity kept young people from being able to go out with many other singles and getting to know what they were looking for without suffering heartbreak after heartbreak. You would not move on without, dropping the one you had and it came at a Premium Cost.
I will divert a bit and talk about what probably happens in today’s dating situations. It is widely acceptable and considered normal for people to hug, hold hands etc. However this varies with the individuals in the matrix. Take for instance when it is considered “Christian Dating”. There is a litany of questions on when should we hold hands, hug, or…yaaaa or kiss. These are seemingly simple issues but they plague a lot of young Christians in this day. This I know by experience, research and all. The standards vary as with different approaches to the “Christian standard” being used by the couple. But picture again, a ‘casual relationship’ without these little shows of affection. I hear someone says, TapMak, what are you propagating? Wait a moment, I STILL STAND WITH 100% CHASTITY (inclusive of no hugging and kissing). I know you heard about something, yaaa yaaa. You also know about something..uhm. But that’s not the point here. The point is these add pressure to our present day ‘dating system’.
What we have today is a hybrid of various cultures fused together so that they at most, continue to uphold the standards of purity. An interesting occurrence is a “No SEX” relationship, in the meaning of the phrase. But how is it been classified. That’s when we talk of all the other little things that either lead to or are substitute to SEX itself. And they are a lot of them. Sexting, kissing, touching, masturbation, etc. What are the bounds? Is sex penetration only, or it’s rather a lot of things? This I am saying plainly, because I am part of the group. A group of young Laodiceans – sorry to the conservatives – who are living in an evil and adulterous age. An age bombarded by sex all over from kindergarten to college, home dining to conference rooms. All this I believe can be traced to the way we now court and date as humans in this day.
There are a lot of other problems, that followed through, that I cannot exhaust in these simple posts. Like I said in the beginning, it is not a scholarly work, but just a comb through the patch. This is not extensive, but maybe an appetizer to those who want reading around. But in the last instalment(s), I will try to contextualize this entire staff into the Zimbabwean setting. With such a background, we have a very little insight in how the system functioned in the west, especially America. Bear in mind it is a totally different culture, but with globalisation or “glocalisation” as some want to put it, we have a hybrid culture. This will interrogate “#LOBOLA”. Lastly I will pick a few quotations and sayings from William Branham and bring this to an end.
TO OVERCOME, IDENTIFY YOUR ENEMY AT EVERYONE OF HIS TRICKS. ABOVE ALL HAVE THE OVERCOMER IN YOU. Do not dwell of past failures. Pick yourself, make right and move forward.