Its always difficult to be optimistic.
I remember she told me you always look at the bad.
She was not entirely wrong, neither was she entirely right.
I just could not see it.
Not that there was no light.
Not that there was no hope.
Not that there was no cheer.
Not that there was no desire.
All was there. All was available.
But i could not allow myself to live for the moment.
The last time i did i was careless.
I lost myself then, so I was not gonna do the same.
I was going to watch
I wanted to join in the celebration.
Forget about the proverbial tommorrow.
But the questions in my mind,
The narcicist in me,
The doubter, kept reminding me:
DON’T BE CAUGHT IN THE MOMENT
Do i have a bargain.
Am i a traitor.
Am i that bad, such inhuman.
Why can’t i join in.
The non-conformer in me said:
WAIT either way you lose noThing.
So i sat down…
As i just watch.